Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
