Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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