I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
