Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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