we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
