He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
