Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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