If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
