She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
