Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
