i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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