we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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