Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
