YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
