just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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