In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
