I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
