So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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