when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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