Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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