At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
