I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
