On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
