the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
