he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
