If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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