Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
