FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
