just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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