currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
