sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
