when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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