Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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