I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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