i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
