Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
