why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
