you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
