If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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