if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
