I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
