She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
