Don't you send me to vm
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
