if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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