I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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