im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
