I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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