dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
