hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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