Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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