we have officially lost it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
