Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
