I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
