Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
