oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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