how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
