I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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