Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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