I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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