sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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