Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
