Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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