i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
