So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
