this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
