dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
