Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
