Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
