Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
