no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
