she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
