I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
