I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I deserve this hangover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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