Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
